Last Monday all the shelves got so sick and tired of holding things--all the time being 

attached to walls and holding things--that they staged a worldwide revolution:  every shelf 

of every kind imaginable in every house, apartment, mobile home, shack, store and hut all of 

a sudden left the wall to which it was affixed and spilled out onto the floor all the books, 

records, candles, pictures and tacky odds and ends they'd been holding so tirelessly and 

without complaint for a very unappreciative human race.

	Police, soldiers, the National Guard and even the entire staff of every Ace Hardware 

Store were alerted to quell the shelves' violent revolt, yet they proved powerless to halt 

this chaos.  Meanwhile, mass numbers of shelves of every variety, of expensive and modest 

cost and production materials alike, continued abandoning the walls in the homes which had 

hitherto served as their prisons, and they then stalked the streets on a mission of hell-bent 

fury and destruction--killing, raping and maiming those people who, previously, had been their 

owners and masters.

	The next day, those humans who had remained miraculously untouched by the shelves' 

violence walked the streets.  They were shocked to discover, in homes, apartments and stores...

thousands of men, women and children hanging lifelessly from the walls...all of them holding 

up little pink porcelain knick-knacks and Hommel Figurines.